I think I hit that post-wedding bell blues I had heard about.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that it’s all over with. It was fun and the most amazing experience of my life, but it was a lot of money and time and I’m ready to dedicate all that to something else (house!).

But I still feel so blah. There aren’t any houses out there at the moment that have really enchanted us, so we’re still in the early stages of just seeing what we like and don’t like. That’s not enough for me, I feel so restless.

Working night shift is really a nightmare. The title of this blog is My Limbo, which is basically how I feel about my life right now in the working world while still being in school. I have a “grown up” job that pays well, and I could make a living for the rest of my life here (if I wanted to be miserable 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, for the rest of my life, that is). That said, I’m finishing up one of three classes I have left for my degree and then I’ll internship over the summer….then my limbo will officially be over. But right now we both work 3-midnight or so. I do it because I generally have had classes in the morning, but Justin has this shift because he got promoted. The only problem with the promotion is while he got a better paying job that he likes more, he now has the least seniority in a department that runs 24 hours. We’re lucky that there are two people that like graveyard shift, or we’d really be sad, but he had to trade in his day shift and weekends off for the new job. I traded my weekends off to have a day off with him, but it’s still not the same. While everyone can make plans on the weekends, we’re working. I can’t even cook a proper dinner most of the time and actually sit down with Justin to enjoy it right after I cook. It gets packed into tupperware to take to work if it gets cooked at all.

Something has got to give.

And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Wont you do this for me son,
If you can?
Forget your lust for the rich mans gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.
Lynyrd Skynyrd, Simple Man

Pretty good advice, isn’t it?
I think we spend a lot of our lives trying to be deep, insightful, poised, sophisticated…things that society has come to respect and admire. I know I do. The truth is, I’m really not any of those things, although I try very hard to radiate it.
Let me tell you a little about my day.
I woke up, got ready for class, drove halfway to class and felt like crap. Decided I didn’t feel good enough to sit through geology and human behavior lectures, so I turned back. When I got home I proceeded to watch Twilight twice, and then The Lizzy McGuire Movie (that’s not the worst part yet) After that was over I spent 15 minutes setting the PVR to record two weeks worth of Hannah Montana, Bridezillas, Rich Bride/Poor Bride, and Platinum Weddings. On top of the American Idol I already have recording.
I guess what I’m getting at is that all of those shows make me feel good. I’ve always been a huge nerd, and at one point in my life I might have been embarrassed to share my PVR collection (On Demand selection is much more mature, I promise!) But I really feel…comfortable with myself. I guess I’ve finally turned into a pretty simple person.

There are three things I want out of life. I want to grow old with Justin and watch our future children grow up healthy and happy, I want a house on a plot of land where I can have a cat, a dog, and a garden, and I want a job I can enjoy going to. I don’t care to have a ton of money, I know it doesn’t buy you peace of mind or security or health. I just want to not be miserable knowing Monday is starting, or have to talk to complete morons every day (seriously, people call in asking how to turn the computer on).

I feel like these months are right before the dawn of a new life, which is kind of true. In the next year I’ll get married, graduate college, hopefully become a homeowner, start my “big girl” job, and who knows what else. It doesn’t sound very simple, but when you break it down it’s just about everything I want out of life.

That makes (good) shivers go down my spine?

Just about everyone will get married, but I feel like this is something so special… I can’t even describe it. It’s still sinking in, and this is a wine-induced post, but I can’t belive how lucky I am. It’s us, baby, we’re the lucky ones!

I think I want to be a wedding planner when I grow up. haha.

But seriously, this is amazing. It’s probably only amazing because everything is coming together so well! We have the cake taken care of (Justin’s mom is a baking whiz!) and we also have the music taken care of as well as a videographer. We work with someone who will do our photography, so all we have left is catering and venue, which we should seal the deal with on Wednesday! We’re getting married on Friday, August 28th, 2009! We really are blessed to have some amazing and talented friends.

Yesterday I went on my first dress shopping outing with my mom. After getting hopelessly lost in Ohio we managed to find David’s Bridal. Trying on wedding dresses is unlike anything I’ve ever done before. I have tried out countless formal dresses for proms and homecomings when I was younger, and even weddings and other events as an adult…nothing compares to looking for the gown you’re going to be married in. First of all, before they have you look at anything, you get a personal consultant who sites down with you and registers you at the shop. Then you flip through a catalog being brutally honest about all the dresses. After you go though what you like and don’t like the consultant takes you over to the dressing area and gives you a strapless bra/corset thing and a slip..which depending on the dress you have to change in and out of. There’s two different slips, one is huge and pouf-y and made out of cretalin and the other is skin tight and silky. Obviously those are for full ballgown vs. a slinky dress. I changed in and out of those a couple times.

And then I actually tried on a dress that actually took my breathe away and made my heart start beating faster. It was so amazing! I had three before that that I really liked, but nothing compared to this dress and how gorgeous it is. I would love to put up a picture, but Justin reads this too 😉 He’s not allowed to see for another 291 days, haha.

But honestly. Seeing myself in that dress suddenly made things a lot more real to me. We didn’t buy it yet, my mom talked me into coming back in a couple weeks with some of my bridesmaids to get a couple more opinions and try some more on. But I do think I’m in love 🙂

I do believe I found another budget saver. Growersbox.com offers “wedding-in-a-box”. Basically you order the flowers you want for whatever reason (in my case for bouquets) and they deliver them to you. You basically save all that money by putting the bouquet’s together yourself. I think that would make for a good bridal party thing the night before. I figure we’ll do some sort of sleepover arrangement, I haven’t quite got that par yet. If not everyone then myself and Lori (who is Matron of Honor), after the rehersal dinner or something along those lines. Those are details for much further down the road.

I will be happy when we have the venue reserved and the big stuff taken care of…so then we can have fun planning out all the little things that will make this day wonderful 🙂

What a great weekend!
Saturday Justin and I made the journey to see Journey =) Also Heart and Cheap Trick, and I have to say everyone was absolutely freaking amazing!
To the right we have the first performance, Cheap Trick. Now I’ll admit, I wasn’t really excited to have to wait a few hours to see Journey, but I can’t believe how amazing these guys were! I’ve really discovered some new (well, technically old) music. For example, Cheap Trick’s “The Flame
Wherever you go, I’ll be with you.
Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you.
Whenever you need someone
to lay your heart and head upon.
Remember: after the fire,
after all the rain,
I will be the flame.
I will be the flame.

I never thought I’d be a classic rock fan. I listened to Britney Spears growing up! Although don’t get me wrong, I’m still all for team Britney, I have to say that rock is quickly surpassing everything as my favorite. After Cheap Trick, Heart performed. Now these women have pipes! It’s actually funny, before Justin and I got together one of my favorite songs that kind of reminded me of how I was feeling about him at the time was Heart’s “Alone
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
You don’t know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight.
You don’t know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown
Alone

It was very fitting at the time, because Justin was someone I really was not supposed to have feelings for. Him being my friends boyfriend and one of my ex’s best friends and all…but it’s funny how life works out =) We’re pretty damn cute if I do say so myself. It’s kind of crazy to look back at all the craziness that we’ve gone through to get to where we are, but even if I had the ability to go back and change anything about our past I wouldn’t even mess with it. We have technically been together going on two years now, engaged for almost two months. I still look at him every once in awhile and wonder how I got so lucky. No one makes me smile like he does, and no one ever has. I wonder if there truly is a soul mate out there for everyone. I’m inclined to say yes, but I think it’s a whole other game to actually meet that person. Justin and I met under some interesting circumstances, but through it we became friends and fell in love. I don’t think love like this happens everyday, but I could just be full of it and quoting lines from The Princess Bride . Oh well =)
And the whole reason for the nearly five-hour long drive! That’s FREAKING JOURNEY! Nothing beats hearing “Don’t Stop Believin” and “Faithfully” played live. I actually cried when they played Don’t Stop Believin’. Justin and I sang it to each other =)
Working hard to get my fill,
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin’ anything to roll the dice,
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on…
Don’t stop believin’
Hold on to that feelin’
Streetlight people

The whole night was just amazing. We couldn’t have asked for better weather. We were a little worried we were doomed to drink Coors Light, who was sponsoring the event, but they had good beer too 😉 This was definitely my favorite concert ever, but I have my sights set on more to come. I want to do some myspace research and find some local bands to entertain us in the winter when we have to go to a bar to keep warm. haha. I know, no one wants to see that. Too baaad. I have a thing about taking kissy pictures. I have a thing about pictures period. ha. I think I have about 500 pictures in my camera that need to be printed out and put into albums, but I just never think about it while I’m at walmart. One of these days I’m going to be able to fill a dozen bookshelves with all the pictures I take, hooray digital cameras! I’ve taken to taking a zillion pictures of certain things and then simply deleting the ones I don’t like. I wish there was a place for me in the photography industry. I don’t think I’m competitive enough to make anything out of it. One day I hope to just take an amateur class and learn more, but that will come later…much later..when I get all these other classes out of the way.
Speaking of classes. back to school Monday…well, technically Tuesday for me. I only have class Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday (score!) So at least this semester won’t kill me too badly. I’m hoping I really only have 3 left. Emphasis on the hope.

Oh, there is something about getting away with your favorite person in the world that makes life just that much better.

Like this. That right there is my favorite person in the world, but I’m sure you already knew that. Oh, and my hair looks pretty damn cool too 😉
Baltimore was amazing with him there. On Friday we went on a crab feast cruise, where this picture was taken. Besides the food being amazing, we indulged in two bottles of Monkey Bay wine, which was awesome. We were so hungry when we started in on the wine I think we were half-way to happy land before we even ate. It was awesome =D We had never tried that kind, but I’m absolutely going to go find some, hopefully it is available around here.

Anyway, after all the eating, drinking, and occasional merry-making, the DJ started taking requests, my favorite song of the moment is You’re the Inspiration by Chicago, so Justin and I danced for the first time as an engaged couple to one of the most romantic songs ever conceived! The DJ asked if we were out on the cruise celebrating anything and I told him we had just gotten engaged, so he made a big deal about it the whole night calling us the engaged couple, it was so sweet =) Everyone kept congratulating us all night, although one girl said “good luck”, we weren’t so sure how to take that one. Maybe she wasn’t so lucky. We’re the lucky ones.

After the cruise we had an interesting time navigating back to our hotel. Justin and I have bad luck when it comes to finding our hotel after being out for the night. See, the weird thing is that the Sheraton Hotel, the one we stayed at the last couple trips, likes to have two of them in the same general location. Both times we ended up in the wrong hotel! Seriously, I don’t understand why you would have two of the same hotels in the same area, that’s just asking to make everyone all confused. Anyway. After we figured out what hotel we were supposed to be at, we parked ourselves at the bar and ran up a nice healthy tab. This picture was taken before Justin saw just how healthy the tab was, as he is still smiling and whatnot 😉 We got nice and drunk, and learned an interesting new shot: Dirty Bong Water. It’s delicious, and here’s what’s in it: 1 oz Chambord raspberry liqueur, 1 oz Malibu coconut rum, 1 splash sweet and sour mix, 1 splash pineapple juice, 1/2 oz Blue Curacao liqueur. Smoothest shot I’ve ever taken. I’ve never known a concoction of all liqueur to be so delicious, but if you’re someone who shys away from real rough, throat burning shots, you would love it. Kinda fruity, kinda thick, in a good way.

This is a gorgeous picture of the inner harbor from our cruise. The crazy blue wavy thing there is the Baltimore Aquarium, which is a seriously awesome piece of architecture.

It’s kind of funny. When I was younger I couldn’t wait to move to the city from my one-stoplight town. Now that I’m older I realize that I would never be happy in the city. There’s always something going on, which is great if you’re a hardcore night lifer, but that’s not the kind of person I grew up to be. I’m still in awe of all the massive buildings and all the diversity and attractions, but at the end of the day I want to leave my window open and breathe fresh air and hear country silence. I don’t want to raise my kids around all that hustle and bustle, I want them to grow up riding dirt bikes and quads, I want to take them camping in our backyard when they’re little, then move on to bigger and better wilderness. I want to actually have a back yard for them to play in, and for me to grow a nice sized garden. The city has a lot of spectacular views, but it loses all the simplicity that I grew up appreciating, and I don’t want my kids missing out on that.

that’s not to say I would seriously hate views like this every day. If I had to live in a city it would have to be a port town. I do love the water and everything related to it. I would love to live on a big boat, if that’s random enough for you. Although I am terrified of very deep ocean. I’ll get in until the water is just over my head, then I’ll scedattle back to the shore. haha. That’s not just an ocean thing though, I don’t like being over my head in a lake. I’m a good swimmer, I’m just afraid of what I cannot see. Snakes, man eating sharks, you know, the usual. I will always love the ocean and the beach though. If I had my pick to move anywhere I would love to live in a little coastal town somewhere like Maine. I could get my water fix and my country fix too. I’m sure most people would love to live somewhere warm all the time, and I was right there with them until we went to South Carolina for vacation last October. The weather was gorgeous, but we saw spiders that were as big as my head, and I have some severe Arachnophobia and Entomophobia, which is the fear of spiders and insects respectfully. I’m terrified of just about any creepy crawly, whether or not it is completely harmless or not. Seriously, it’s kind of sad. haha.

I do love other animals though, as long as it’s not poisonous. I would rather come across a coyote or bear in the wild rather than a snake. Even a garden snake. This cute little turtle is safe though =) This picture was taken in the Baltimore aquarium, which is pretty freaking amazing. This was my second trip, but I still feel like a little kid looking at all the animals.

The zoo is setup so cool. It even has a rain forest at the very top. I even got pooped on by an exotic bird, no lie. It was gross, but I found the nearest leaf and wiped it off. No biggie.

Seriously though, a great day to me is just wandering around looking at all the different animals. I’m such a kid. When we were at the shark tank I would actually jump when the sharks came around. They get so close and you can literally see the mega-rows of pointy teeth in their mouths. I like a little adrenaline rush, though. One idea I’ve always entertained is doing that steel cage with the sharks in the ocean. I don’t know if an adrenaline rush like that would just be a heart pumper or a heart exploder though. My luck the steel cage would sink or something. I wouldn’t want to come face to face with a super huge shark, or a hammerhead because those are creepy. One of these little sharkies wouldn’t be so bad, I don’t think. At least if you’re in a steel cage one of those little buggers isn’t going to be able to rip the front off with its teeth…I think. eeep. They don’t look that ferocious, do they?

While we were at the aquarium they allow people to swim IN the tanks with stingrays, turtles, biiiig fish (not sharks, however) When I got home I had to look up how much it was, and ooooooo my. Probably have to save my pennies for $295! for some aquarium diving. YIKES! Although it did look super super cool. I would like to try my have at real scuba diving, money more well spent rather than in an aquarium, although I wouldn’t say no if they offered =)


In any case, there is still a lot of adventurous things I would love to do before my time comes. Scuba diving is one of the top ones. I wrote a list of things I wanted to do before I die back when I was..17ish? I’d like to dig that up, it’s hiding in one of my journals. That might be my project for tonight, I’ll let you in on it =) I’d like to compare it to what I have done in that 5 year span. Maybe add some new ones. I’m still young, and have a lot of living to do, I’m sure I can put a dent in that list! I’m pretty sure the first thing on my to-do list was to fall in love, I’m pretty sure I can go ahead and cross that one off my list. Then, of course, start a family. I’m not sure if I really need to “start” a family. Justin is my family, as much as my mom, dad, and brother are. He really is my family now. he’s the one I come home to, do chores with, cook with, live with.

So now I think I’m done rambling on and on. Our vacation was wonderful, Justin is amazing, dirty bong water tastes much better than any other shot ever, and I would like to be a scuba diving pirate.

One more thing I’ll leave you with, because I’m a nerd who likes to collect quotes:

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.

Erica Jong
1942-, American Author

Good lord.
I seriously think we have hindered the human race by making laws against natural selection. Some people simply need to be kept from reproducing.

I feel so stuck sometimes. I’m trapped by the money I make here. I can’t leave for a lower paying job because I made the decision to grow up slightly earlier than most people my age. I have responsibilities now, not only to myself, but to Justin. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m absolutely happy with the decisions I’ve made. I’m living and getting married to the most amazing man I’ve ever met, not to mention we have a great place to live, with a house of our own on the horizon… but only because we work our asses off.

I’m proud to say I’ve worked for everything I have today. My parents were the best providers growing up, they gave me everything I ever needed, and also taught me how to be a slight workaholic, so that I’ll be prepared to one day get what I wanted for myself. I just can’t wait to move on from this awful job, and onto something I can at least not want to have a few strong drinks after.

Also, I feel compelled to mention the passing of Estelle Getty, or Sophia Petrillo of Golden Girls fame, died today. Right there’s a clip to Jezebel.com, one of my newer addictions. They did a great job at showing Estelle Getty’s finer scenes. I watched that show with my late grandmother, and do feel like I know those characters a little bit. You know, sentiment by default. I still watch that show today, whenever I catch it on Lifetime =)